Tired

Sometimes I get so tired. Like bone deep tired. And it never fails that is the night there is homework for him, the kids act all crazy and I feel completely alone. Alone. I know I shouldn't feel alone and that I am really not, but times like tonight I do. Jack is up and down screaming about not wanting to stay in hi bed. lili is finally asleep and Sean is doing homework. I'm sitting here wanting to pull my hair out over stuff not done that I have no desire to get up and do and know I need to get to bed so that I can get up for church and fight with the kids again in the morning.  :-(  I hate how it's all such a battle. How can trying to live right and clean, have the kids learn routines and clean lives, always be such a battle to fight every time!

I wish I could share all of this with them, but there is no way that would happen, it would only cause problems. And we have enough of those as it is. I don't want to add any more problems to life.

I wish..

I honestly don't know what I wish. I know I'm sounding like a whiny child right now and that hurts too. I don't know which way our lives are going and sometimes lately it seems like every step to better them is making them worse or getting completely shot down.


I need help, but I'm afraid there is none to be found that works in my life.